Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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