her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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