nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
