We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
