Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize