Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize