for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
