I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
