you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
