If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
