Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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