we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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