he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
