so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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