It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
