ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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