he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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