In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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