Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
