Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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