"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need a beard to bite.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
