yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
