Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
