dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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