i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
