reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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