i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
accomplished twins. life is a go
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
