Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
