I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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