i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
