So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize