yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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