So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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