You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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