dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
