I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
