and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
