Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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