my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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