everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
