Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize