Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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