How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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