i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
