i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
