left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
