Acid is not a monday night drug
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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