I have demons in me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
