I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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