sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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