Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
