She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
