I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
