my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
