also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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