I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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