I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
