Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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