I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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