I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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