could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
