Porn is love you can see.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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