I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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