My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
