woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
