i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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