i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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