his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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