I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
