Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
