I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You took a bar mat shot.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
