you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
