I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
