Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
