just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
