I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
