i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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