i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
