New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
