I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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