After last night, I could never be a politician.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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