my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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