We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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