My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
