Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
