you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
