I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
