Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
