seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
