I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
