I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
