she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
