Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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