my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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