barbara walters just said penis...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
