he puts the penis in happiness.
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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