Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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