i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
