it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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