I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize