im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
