Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
