We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i already hear my dad disowning me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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