We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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