im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he thought i was a dude.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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