I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
