I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
