My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
whose ass print is on the piano?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
