Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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