it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
