we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
