if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
is that a dick in a sweater?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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