Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
