I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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