Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
