Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
