There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
