ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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